Dad...

My life may not be going the way I planned it, but its going exactly the way God planned it.  

Sometimes God’s timing seems unfair and it doesn’t make sense….

As some of you know, my father died about 1 week before I was supposed to return to Cambodia.  It was totally unexpected.  He had a massive heart attack.  He had heart problems in the past, but we thought he was pretty healthy.  You see I wasn’t sure if my dad was a believer.  For many years, my brother and I tried to share our faith with him, which is a really hard thing to do.  He always said that he was a believer, but his life didn’t reflect it very much.  I guess I wanted a father who lived out his faith loudly.  I wanted a father who I could talk about spiritual things with and he could challenge me.  But, I often forgot to be thankful for how much he loved me.  Growing up, my parents got divorced when I was about 12 years old.  I was hurt and confused, but that tragedy in my life is what drew my heart to Jesus.  My dad used to come to all my ball games, and then when he moved away he would travel long distances just to see my games.  He worked in the hotel business, so it often consumed his life, which used to make me bitter and angry.  We would go to visit him and he would always be working and making us work, lol.  I wish I would have been more forgiving and understanding.  There are so many things I wish I would have said and wish I would have done now that he is gone.  After college, I became really burdened for my dad and His salvation.  God told me that I should go live with Him for a year.  In many ways, I hadn’t forgiven him, so I told God “no, thats a dumb idea." God worked on my heart for a while, and then I said “yes”, as if I could say “no” to anyone, especially God.   It was a hard year, but so good.  My dad and I had great talks about Jesus, and we got to live life together.  In so many ways, I’m just like my dad.  We had so much in common.  He also couldn’t say “no”.  I’m also very busy like my dad.  He was so easy going that he would often do things that would annoy the fire out of me, but never realize he was doing it.   My dad was the one person I could tell, “Dad, you are driving me crazy!”  He would never get upset.  He would just give me a goofy smile, and say sorry, and that was the end of it.  For example, this summer my dad and I were both staying with my brother’s family.  We were sharing a bathroom.  We had 2 different towels.  My towel was green and his was red.  One day he used mine, and I just thought he was confused and color blind.  Well, he did it again, and this time I was frustrated so I told him, which color his towel was, and which one was mine.  Well, it happened again, and I remember yelling across the house, “Dad! Stop using my towel!”  I came out of the bathroom, fuming, and he is sitting at the kitchen table with his goofy grin.  

When he died, thats what I remembered, being a jerk to him.  I also remembered that I hadn’t prayed for him enough.  I used to pray for him fervently, but in the last few years, I had given up hope.  The cool thing is that God hadn’t given up on him.  You see, about 6 months ago, my dad quit his job and the hotel business to move closer to his family.  He lived with my brother the last 4 months of his life, where I got to see him all summer, and he got spend a lot of time with my nephews.  My younger brother and him hadn’t talked for almost a year for some reason.  You see my dad wasn’t always the best dad, but he sure tried hard.  A week before he died he went golfing with my brother.  Two weeks before he died, he helped his sister move.  God, in His great mercy, gave us all time with him.  And, the coolest part is that my dad had been attending my brothers church.  You see, my brother is a pastor at a small church, so my dad had been going to Sunday school and church every Sunday.  This summer, I really prayed for my dad, and all of us were praying for God to change his heart.  So, after he died, I was very frustrated with Gods timing. 

God’s timing seems to come too fast…

I yelled out to Him, “God not yet, you can’t take Him yet, but it was too late.”  In my mind I hadn’t prayed enough for Him, and I didn’t think He was a true believer.  As if my dad's salvation depended on my prayers, which I know isn't true.  Well, after he died we found his sunday school books, which he had written in.  He had written some really cool things in the book.  There were things about what God was showing Him and things about us, his kids.  None of us went to Sunday School with him, because it was the
Senior Adult class.  A couple of days after he died, the man who taught his Sunday school class came by.  So, lets back up.  The man who used to teach this class, also died of a heart attack about 3 months before my dad.  He was incredible man of God, and I believe dad was influenced by him and the fact that his death was so sudden.  God knew this.  Anyway, the new sunday school teacher came by, and told us that one day, my dad spoke up in Sunday School.  He didn’t speak very often, but when he did he usually had something wise to say.  So this one day, my dad started by saying, “This may not sound right, because I’m still a baby Christian…”  I don’t what else he said, but those words gave our family great hope.  Over the last few months, my dad had changed.  So in the end, I do have hope that he became a believer.  Salvation is such a mystery, so I leave that to God. I just have to hope that my dad is in heaven. 

So, death is a funny thing, especially when we know someone has gone to heaven.  Why does it hurt so bad, when we know they are in much a better place?  Maybe, because this is all we know, life and death, but someday we will know eternity.  Kids kind of have a better glimpse of it.  We are so torn by pain and brokeness as we get older.  Kids are still full of innocence and a simple faith.  So, my nephews weren’t around during the funeral, but afterwards my brother told them what had happened, and that “granps” was in heaven.  They seemed to get it.  So the first time I saw them after the funeral, I walked into the house, and they greeted me at the door… “Aunt Sara!”  and then the 4 year old said, “Did you know granps died?”  I was like yeh, I did.  Then he runs off to play.  This happened a couple of times.  One night when my sister-in-law was putting their boys to sleep, the 4 year old, said, “Do you think Tate misses gransp, because I don’t.”  She said, “It's ok to miss him.”  After a long silence, “Yeh, I bet he is in heaven making pancakes.  He’s probably making pancakes for Jesus.”  My loved to cook, and he made really good pancakes.  I feel like those words from a 4 year old were for all of us to hear, giving us hope.

So, right now I’m in awe of God!  Once you see God’s plan, you find that His timing is impeccable.  I looked up the meaning of the word impeccable and it means: (flawless, faultless, unblemished, spotless, stainless, untarnished, perfect).  

God knows what He is doing all the time.  HE IS BRINGING HIS NAME GLORY!

“Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”  Psalm 46:10